Amita Bose
English 8
Mr. Salsich
May 3, 2009
A Shifting Sun:
An Essay about the theme of “Happiness”
Sometimes the bright, golden sun (n) is obscured by a thick cover of dreary, grey clouds (n). The sun disappears behind (prep.) these clouds without warning (dependant clause) and leaves us cold and desolate, longing for its warmth and comfort. But we can seek solace in the fact that eventually these clouds while float away, and our sun will shine upon us once more. In the poem “Happiness” by Jane Kenyon, Kenyon describes how we must let happiness go and trust that it shall eventually find us again, just as we must let the sun go, trusting that it will return.
TS Artfully hidden among (prep.) the beautiful phrases (n) and graceful truths of the poem “Happiness”, the message (n) that happiness shall return lives (periodic sentence). SD Kenyon likens happiness to the prodigal’s son (n), who returned home after (prep.) “[squandering] a fortune away”. CM The prodigal’s son left his birth place to see the world and returned a man with little money (n), but he gained wisdom during his travels. CM Likewise, happiness shall go as it pleases, but we must realize that it will always return. CM The comings and goings of happiness teach us to appreciate the feeling of bliss while it graces us with its presence, just as the prodigal’s son learned about the world when he stepped beyond the walls of his home (loose sentence). SD Also, happiness will “[inquire] at every door until he finds you asleep . . . as you often are during . . . your despair”. CM We need not seek happiness, for if we try to, we will find that it is ever elusive. CM We must trust that happiness will eventually find us (dependent clause), even “during the unmerciful hours of [our] despair”. SD This message proved true when my grandfather passed away when I was seven years old. CM The grief was stunning, and I couldn’t seem to sense anything but the crushing feeling of sorrow. CM I remember that I ran to the window, wildly (adv) hoping that I would see my grandfather’s soul floating among the snow laden branches, but as I stared out the window, I saw two small children joyfully (adv) tumbling about in a snow drift ( active voice). CM I could faintly hear their shouts of laughter and excitement, and as I stood there, feeling my excruciating sorrow, I was suddenly touched by the children’s happiness. CM They were floating in their own world of pure bliss (active voice). CM Knowing that they were so happy raised my spirits as well. CS Happiness shall come and go as it pleases, but we must put our faith in the fact that it shall always return, no matter who we are, where we are, or what our lives have brought us.
The sun disappears behind an impenetrable wall of clouds; happiness leaves our minds, bodies, and souls. The sun breaks through the wall to shine once more; happiness searches high and low until it finds us. The sun sheds its light onto every person and thing on this earth, just as happiness is experienced by every person and thing. Whether you are a little boy playing in a driveway with your trucks, an old woman watching the world, or the pencil on a student’s desk, you shall know what it is like to have happiness, to lose happiness, and to have happiness find you again.
* * *
Self-Assessment
1) The introductory paragraph took the most time to write because I couldn’t think of an interesting way to hook the reader and express the point of the essay.
2) When I was polishing this essay, I realized that there were many misused words and grammatical mistakes, so I corrected those errors from the first draft.
3) I feel that the best part of this essay is the last chunk of the body paragraph because I feel that it is very descriptive and flows well.
4) I feel that the first chunk of the body paragraph could still be improved because it seems a bit choppy and some phrases seem unnecessary.
English 8
Mr. Salsich
May 3, 2009
A Shifting Sun:
An Essay about the theme of “Happiness”
Sometimes the bright, golden sun (n) is obscured by a thick cover of dreary, grey clouds (n). The sun disappears behind (prep.) these clouds without warning (dependant clause) and leaves us cold and desolate, longing for its warmth and comfort. But we can seek solace in the fact that eventually these clouds while float away, and our sun will shine upon us once more. In the poem “Happiness” by Jane Kenyon, Kenyon describes how we must let happiness go and trust that it shall eventually find us again, just as we must let the sun go, trusting that it will return.
TS Artfully hidden among (prep.) the beautiful phrases (n) and graceful truths of the poem “Happiness”, the message (n) that happiness shall return lives (periodic sentence). SD Kenyon likens happiness to the prodigal’s son (n), who returned home after (prep.) “[squandering] a fortune away”. CM The prodigal’s son left his birth place to see the world and returned a man with little money (n), but he gained wisdom during his travels. CM Likewise, happiness shall go as it pleases, but we must realize that it will always return. CM The comings and goings of happiness teach us to appreciate the feeling of bliss while it graces us with its presence, just as the prodigal’s son learned about the world when he stepped beyond the walls of his home (loose sentence). SD Also, happiness will “[inquire] at every door until he finds you asleep . . . as you often are during . . . your despair”. CM We need not seek happiness, for if we try to, we will find that it is ever elusive. CM We must trust that happiness will eventually find us (dependent clause), even “during the unmerciful hours of [our] despair”. SD This message proved true when my grandfather passed away when I was seven years old. CM The grief was stunning, and I couldn’t seem to sense anything but the crushing feeling of sorrow. CM I remember that I ran to the window, wildly (adv) hoping that I would see my grandfather’s soul floating among the snow laden branches, but as I stared out the window, I saw two small children joyfully (adv) tumbling about in a snow drift ( active voice). CM I could faintly hear their shouts of laughter and excitement, and as I stood there, feeling my excruciating sorrow, I was suddenly touched by the children’s happiness. CM They were floating in their own world of pure bliss (active voice). CM Knowing that they were so happy raised my spirits as well. CS Happiness shall come and go as it pleases, but we must put our faith in the fact that it shall always return, no matter who we are, where we are, or what our lives have brought us.
The sun disappears behind an impenetrable wall of clouds; happiness leaves our minds, bodies, and souls. The sun breaks through the wall to shine once more; happiness searches high and low until it finds us. The sun sheds its light onto every person and thing on this earth, just as happiness is experienced by every person and thing. Whether you are a little boy playing in a driveway with your trucks, an old woman watching the world, or the pencil on a student’s desk, you shall know what it is like to have happiness, to lose happiness, and to have happiness find you again.
* * *
Self-Assessment
1) The introductory paragraph took the most time to write because I couldn’t think of an interesting way to hook the reader and express the point of the essay.
2) When I was polishing this essay, I realized that there were many misused words and grammatical mistakes, so I corrected those errors from the first draft.
3) I feel that the best part of this essay is the last chunk of the body paragraph because I feel that it is very descriptive and flows well.
4) I feel that the first chunk of the body paragraph could still be improved because it seems a bit choppy and some phrases seem unnecessary.
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